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Giving Birth to Words October 21, 2008

Posted by bobbetrevilla in Angst, Here and Now, The Writing Life, Metaphors for Life, Musings.
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NOTES: Giving birth to this piece wasn’t easy. This was originally written late last night, but my Smartbro connection suddenly bogged down (got disconnected), leaving me no choice but to save it as a draft (in WordPress) and as a backup file in my MS Word documents. Tonight, again, when I was about to post or publish the piece, my laptop seemingly stopped from responding, giving me loops of commands pending on my screen. There may be ghost in this piece, hehehe, or simply, it is a piece so stubborn to be born, probably replete with texts too difficult to become real and alive. Whatever the reason may be, here it is, now finally born, angst and all.

What is it like making a career out of writing? If you get paid for it, nice. If it’s your passion, it’s nicer. If you can’t breathe without it because you find it so important and you always have time for it no matter how busy or tired you are, it’s the nicest thing that ever happened to your Writing Life. If you can’t live without it, because it’s like a second skin to you, then you are with me. We are living our vital writing lives, embracing the gift of words, and co-creating meanings with our perceived readers, our critiques (or critics), or with our own selves.

We get paid for writing language-skill books. Giving birth to a manual or a worktext is easier said than done. We know the energy, intellectual muse, discipline, and hardwork that go into the process. But that’s the nice part of writing: the labor, the sweat, and that certain high or exhilaration that wipes out all pain or angst.

Waking up to the thought of being able to write or compose your life on paper (or on computer screen or blogosphere) as it transpires or unfolds (“as it happens, where it happens” to borrow that popular journalistic mantra) is nicer. You wake up to the sounds of your chimes. Disturbing. But you imbibe the sounds, internalize the sense of it (the experience) all. You get inspired. You want to write a piece of poetry, some random splurge of inspirations that enables you to come in communion with texts. And there you are bringing the muse in the jeepney, on the road, at school, in the fastfood stop, in the company of your friends, amid the noise and frenzy of the outside world. Soon the writer and the words and the world become one. Again.

You can’t seem to end the day without writing something about life and anything that comes in between living and being (or becoming). You write on your journal. You blog. You send memo to yourself. You socialize your anxiety on paper or on a virtual site to an imaginary reader. You row on and move on until words flow easy, unstoppable, until they leave an impress, a mark, a trace, a pigment of imagination, a meaning, a streak of light from your mind (or from what it seemingly is). You create your world in, through, around words. That’s the nicest discovery you’ll ever discover out of life. It’s empowering; it is empowerment in itself.

And to me, that’s the ultimate goal of writing. That of finding your self in the process of weaving words and creating worlds. And getting empowered like one who just got out of his or her own restrictive shell. Free.

Empowerment in Texts (Hegemony in Our Stories) October 9, 2008

Posted by bobbetrevilla in Here and Now, The Writing Life.
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How does it feel like finishing one long, laborious paper after days (an understatement: actually, it was a semester-long labor) of hardwork? Short of great! It was like a process of giving birth. Bloody! But I’m not done yet. Moment of truth comes on Monday next week. Absolute deadline follows: October 20, 2008.

The paper: My commres proposal–a message analysis of two CNF (creative nonfiction) texts written by my two former Comm Arts II students. Rereading of texts reveal hidden messages (going as far as the tone, persona, and orientation of the texts and the writer). It’s an exciting process, not to mention the amount of energy it drains from me every time I sit down and read (and interpret!), because it reveals something beyond the literal texts: embedded in the texts are voices of hegemony (power and empowerment) and sites of self-discovery.

The first CNF brims off strength the writer discovers is in her as she plunges into something she hasn’t done before: martial arts. A stranger in a foreign land (Saudi Arabia), the writer draws out strength from the friensdhips she nurtures with non-Filipino friends and instructors. She gains power from the discovery of her hidden skill in judo. This is your story Alyssa.

The second CNF brings me to the streets of Manila via car race and night-out “gimmick.” Take a bow Francis Jose. This is your story. Your joyride adventures allow me to peep into your daring lifetsyle as you court dangers plying the streets of the metropolis with your bestfriend Alex. But here’s where you gain power expressed in texts: in your ability to live a fast-paced, carefree life. Your CNF is empowering to a conservative guy like myself. When can I try the dare-devil experience?

Grounded theorizing is a fitting end to my paper. We create the social realities around our language expressed by our written texts. And every time we do it we express hidden intention, attitude, or notion. Isn’t that the idea of the speech act theory? John Austin couldn’t agree more.

Now, I can temporarily heave some sighs of relief as I work on other things–maybe other texts–and wait for our prof’s verdict come Monday morning of the coming week. Meantime, I can only reread Allysa’s power texts and Francis Jose’s hegemonic narratives of his hip and upbeat street adventures. Let me give this time.

How to write blogs July 12, 2008

Posted by bobbetrevilla in Here and Now, The Writing Life.
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It dawned to me this lunch time while I was sitting alone, eating my spag and burger at Jollibee-Olivarez (Los Banos), how ideas form in the mind, crystallize into words, and appear on-line through blogosphere. They begin as observation points: My elderly table mate who asked me about the time; she was waiting for the long-delayed Big Champ. The old couple who ate without even talking to each other and left without a trace of noise. The young mother and her child waiting for their order, the child tinkering on the belt of my bag. Now these mental notes appear visibly through texts that land on this virtual page.

If we extend further, more observation notes: The drowsy drag to the barber shop where I slept again in the act of scalp massage. The even sleepy trip to my PDM class, the class itself, the search for anti-ant spray, the ridiculous purchase of three fairy tale CDs because it’s a graduate class assignment, the two-hour sleep after a quick late afternoon merienda. Then backtrack: the search for books at Diplomat, the one-hour editing stint at UPLB main lib, the inspiring-fun-cool graduate class I handled this morning, the languages and comm cluster meeting yesterday where I listened to diverse voices in between snacks of turon and Nova, the walk home, then back home, my de-stressing talk to Che and Ate Len and Ciel.

My CR 284 class is correct: In this post-modern world, everything is virtually text. Every move, talk, observation, note, every blog, line, idea, practically everything. Now I know how blogs are written ironically after many times of doing the act. It starts with every possible data site. In mind. Every gaze. Look out by and from the window. Until words form and the texts begin to take lives of their own.

Break! June 30, 2008

Posted by bobbetrevilla in Here and Now, The Writing Life.
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I don’t know but I feel so stressed out today. I attended my undergrad classes practically the whole day, but I went home early this afternoon to sleep, regain energy, and start working on my CR 284 paper again. Right now, I’m still laboring over that paper’s intro and review of lit. I’m beating the rush. I must be able to post this entire thing by 12 nn of this Wednesday. I feel tensed, jittery.

If writing is a liberating tool, why am I feeling so tied up and harassed now? Maybe because I’m not writing a CNF, but I’m crafting a comm res chapter, that I know is subject to further scrutiny come Thursday this week. Grrr!

May this night liberate me as I write about writing as a self-awareness activity and the word as an intrument of creation. May this session consummate the act of bringing to fore the idea of CNF as a site for self-knowledge and, ultimately, self-discovery. May I discover my strongest point as a research writer and finally bring this birth pain to an end. May my muse help me and liberate me from this bondage of ideas about to be born. Please.

Now, I’m Ready to Write June 29, 2008

Posted by bobbetrevilla in Here and Now, The Writing Life.
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After a week of gathering literatures, reviewing journal articles, and ruminating on how CNFs can be sites of hegemony and self-discovery, I’m confident to say that I’m now ready to write my CR 284 paper — its intro and review of lit. 29062008128But that’s easier said than done. After marking important pages using my colored marker strips, I want to think that I’m well prepared for the task. Just let the ideas gel and I’m almost there. The next step: to do the real writing spree, no more rituals, sans the pre-writing routines. So, I must stop, and write I go. Good luck to me! :D

My 55th Blog Entry Here! June 27, 2008

Posted by bobbetrevilla in Here and Now, The Writing Life.
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Kudos to my 55th blog entry here! Hehe. Heading on to my fifth month here in Friendster, everything seems to be happy and light and enlightening. The Writing Life was never productive as this. Visit my yahoo.360 site and you’ll spot how serious and academic I was in my first attempt to blogosphere. There I talked about Schramm, Maxwell, Benis, etc. haha!

This newest entry is also in celebration of my new-found research interest: message analysis. My ComRes 284 class (UP-CMC, Diliman) this semester brought me to unearth old and contemporary English composition and communication journal issues that dwelled on writing as a "liberating activity," "self-awareness" tool, "instrument of creation," "a way of thinking," a process of meeting our "writerly self," among other things. Now, I sound academic again. Sorry.

So much for that. One day, I’ll write about the woven details of that paper. Too premature at the moment. Meantime, allow me to go on celebrating the mystery of writing as I move on to write my 56th entry and more. Till then! Always, live and celebrate The Writing Life!

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